Hope baptist Church

Final Physical Boundary

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

This entry begins like many of these events, Teri and I believe Stephen were in Piedmont, MO helping Teri’s parents with at least 1 of the little kids. So it was 2 of the littles, Brittanie, Kevin and I at the house. Everyone went to bed and I heard Kevin’s footsteps upstairs pacing around then I got a text asking if I was awake and having trouble falling asleep. As I have said many times already in this blog, I didn’t sleep, especially at night, I was terrified of the night. So I couldn’t lie and I was always scared that if I didn’t respond, would he come down into my room and check on me? My room was the one place at that point that he hadn’t physically assaulted me yet. So even though it was a creepy basement room with no windows and was jokingly referred to as a dungeon, at least my physical body was my own in that room.

After I texted Kevin back to inform him I was indeed still awake, he told me that if I wanted to come upstairs he would help me relax so I could sleep. That was his code for sex, pretty quickly into him making advances on me he claimed that he was just doing it because he knew it helped me sleep better. Which in some ways was true, I would have such an intense adrenaline rush that it took all of my strength to get myself downstairs to my room. I would collapse and pass out and at least sleep for a few hours.
So after I told him I was awake I went upstairs to the kitchen and he came in to meet me almost instantly. He walked up close to me, almost touching me, basically breathing down my neck like normal. His hands started caressing my arms which quickly led to them roaming my body once again as he began to kiss me and pressed his body up against mine as he began to grind on me. After what felt like forever he grabbed my hand and told me to come with him. At this point I knew since Teri was gone where he was taking me. Which was truly the most terrifying thing because, in their room, no one would interrupt, there was no fear of being caught in there. In that room he didn’t have to watch over his shoulder, it was the place where he could lock the door behind us and in the middle of the night no one would be looking for me either.

He had me walking in front of him as his hand was gently on my lower back pushing me down the hall in front of him. My heart was racing, why was this happening, why couldn’t I just say no, what about me was causing him to do this and how could I change it or get rid of it. Once I stepped inside the master bedroom he locked the door behind us. I turned around to face him, heart racing, I didn’t know whether I wanted to collapse or sob more in that moment. But I did neither, I knew what my job was at that moment, it was to submit myself and my body to him. He was my Elder, head of household, my second father, counselor and you don’t tell the man who is in authority over you no. Plus he was only doing this to help me, to help me sleep.
He stepped toward me, putting his hands on my body and started to pull me over to the bed. He started taking my clothes off of me as he was kissing me all over. He laid me down on the bed and climbed up on top of me and kissed me and slowly started crawling down my body. His hands and mouth were trying to touch every inch of my body like he was claiming it as his own. Since we were behind a locked door I never knew where or when things would end, there wasn’t a timer on him. He paused after a while and leaned over to his night stand and shuffled around in it for a minute and it was dark so I didn’t even try to look at what he was getting. He started putting something cold all over me and I didn’t know what it was but I could smell strawberries. He kept going for a few minutes with just his mouth and hands. Then all the sudden I started to feel something different, a pressure I hadn’t felt before and it hurt a bit which hadn’t happened before. I realized he wasn’t doing what he normally did at that point, something was different but I dissociated so fast and left my body and mentally left that room. I later learned that he was using anal beads on me. I honestly can’t tell you how long this went on or exactly what all he did to me after that point. I didn’t know what or why this was happening and I couldn’t process anymore. Once he finished doing whatever he wanted with my body, he had me get him off. Then he held me and laid me down beside him in his bed. We laid there for what felt like forever with him holding and caressing my body.

Eventually he said that I was looking like I could finally sleep and I should go to bed and that he hoped I would actually be able to sleep tonight. He left the room and checked the halls to ensure that no one was up wandering the halls before I left the room. Once the coast was clear I darted down the hall and down the stairs to my room. Where I desperately tried to not think about what had just happened because I really didn’t even fully understand it anyway. Like many other times, I just tried to focus on the fact that he kept telling me it was all to help me, help me sleep, process past trauma, whatever he said was an issue. I just need to trust him, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, right? But why did this all hurt so bad? Why was I so confused and more depressed than ever? Why was I still rapidly losing weight and getting sick constantly? Why was I having suicidal thought so often? What was I doing wrong?

Click here to read the next post Facetime

Facetime

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

One evening we had all spent as a family watching a show or something like that like we typically did. This night though one of the little kids got sick and was throwing up. So once everything was cleaned up and they were situated in the den with the bucket, Teri got herself situated there to sleep with the child. Brittanie had already gone downstairs with Stephen and I was getting something out of the kitchen before going down to bed as well. Before I could go downstairs Kevin met me by the stairwell in the laundry room. He started grabbing at me, groping and grinding on my body, kissing me all over. Then he told me he couldn’t take me to his room because someone might see and if he came downstairs he may be missed. But he had an ”off kilter” idea and I should wait there for him. He started walking off to his bedroom. What could his idea be? Should I keep waiting or could I just go downstairs and go to bed? What would he do if I did just go downstairs? Would he be mad or angry? Would I get in trouble for not obeying him? Afterall he was the head of my household and my pastor, so I was supposed to submit myself to him.

After what felt like an eternity he crept back in the laundry room with me and took his hand out of his robe and shoved something into my hand and whispered if I wanted I should facetime him in a bit and use that on myself. I didn’t know what “that” even was. I shoved the object into my pocket and went down to my room. What did he mean to use it on myself? And I hadn’t even really looked at the thing, what did he hand me? I took it out of my pocket once I got into my room. I realized it was one of the vibrators he had used on me before. Now I was really panicking, I had never used one on myself and how was I going to facetime him? What on earth? Why was he asking me to do this? Why was he also trying to make it like it was my idea? I didn’t ask him to bring this to me, I had no interest or desire in him bringing me this. Now I knew, he wanted me to facetime him tonight and it was my job to listen to him and submit.
A few minutes passed and we had texted a few times and he joked and said I could always just go to bed if I wanted but that he knew I had trouble sleeping and maybe this would help me sleep.

Kevin told me to wait and once I heard Stephen turn his white noise on for the night that I should then facetime him. So I did just that, after the noise turned on I plugged my headphones into my phone like he told me to and called him. He again joked about how I could just go to sleep if I wanted but that he knew he often didn’t sleep well without “help”. We chatted for a few minutes and I told him I was nervous and wasn’t sure what he was expecting me to do with the little toy. So he started instructing me what to do with it, where to put it, and where to position the phone for the best view for himself. So there I was in my own room, door locked, roughly 2 am, Kevin in his own room and I still wasn’t safe from him. He was telling me how he was getting himself off to me, how much he loved watching me, loved looking at my body, what he wanted to do to my body, how bad he wanted me, ect. He wanted to be able to once again bring me into his own bedroom but he couldn’t risk Teri coming in and seeing me in there. Finally after like 45-1hr the phone call was over. Now I had to figure out where to hide this vibrator and figure out what to do with it. After I found a hiding spot for it, I crawled into my bed and cried myself to sleep.

Now in my life, while yes I still very much deal with the ramifications of all of this abuse. But this specific event, I don’t know if he filmed it. I don’t know if there is a video of me posted anonymously somewhere so he can go back and rewatch it. The sad reality is that I will probably never know. Even if I did find it, it is almost impossible unfortunately for victims to get their sex trafficking videos taken down off of these sites. If they do manage it, it’s typically after many many years in court and lots of money for very good attorneys. It’s something that continues to haunt me to this day. If there was footage of my abuse, you would have no idea how terrified that girl was, you would have no idea how long she sobbed afterwards, no idea how used and dirty she felt, no idea how much she hated herself and just wished she could die so that the pain would stop. Because no one knew, no one cared to try and help her. She was just an object that was meant to meet everyone else’s needs and hers were not important. Her body, mind and soul were not her own anymore. She belonged to the Dodd family entirely now.

Nightmares, Drugs and Alcohol

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

Last post I explained that this abuse was not just an occasional thing and it went on much longer than just a couple months. The abuse started when I was 19yrs old and after a year or so I was to the point where I was maybe sleeping 3hrs a night. I was having night terrors constantly, could barely eat, I was dropping weight quickly. I was given different herbs to help me sleep and nothing really helped. Kevin kept doing my “counseling” and on occasion Teri would join in and talk about my dreams and how they weren’t dreams, they were repressed memories. They would also use this time to talk about how horrible my parents were and how dare they miss this.

I had mentioned it was so hard because I felt like the nightmares were nonstop and I couldn’t make them stop. Kevin suggested that I write out my nightmares, write them out in great detail so I could just get them “out” of my head. So I did on a few occasions. The first time I did so, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was so embarrassed and it was terrifying to write it all out but I wanted them to stop so I did it. I sent it to Kevin and Teri as instructed. In this dream a man took me into his bedroom and forced me to perform oral sex on him until he finished and then he did all kinds of different things to me.

I don’t remember if it was that night or the next but it was very shortly after I gave them the letter. Teri went out of town and took Stephen and a little kid or two. That night Kevin did what he always did and texted me asking if I was having trouble sleeping, which I never slept. So of course I told him I wasn’t asleep and he told me if I wanted to come upstairs he would try and help me relax and that he was already in the kitchen (which was right by the basement stairs). I came upstairs because I knew he wanted me to. Then he started groping me, running his hands all over my body panting, grinding his hips on me and kissing me. Then he told me to come with him. He took me down the hall and into his bedroom. I was terrified of this room, if Teri was gone there was no one that could possibly come in here, there would be no question as to why the door was locked, no one would come looking for me in here and I could be stuck in here for hours. Then Kevin started enacting my nightmare on me, literally word for freaking word how I described it in my letter. After I finished giving him oral, he was sitting on the edge of the bed and I was on my knees in front of him. He tilted my head up with my chin telling me once again that I had definitely done that before because I was just so good at it. Then he went on to act out the rest of my dream on me. This was also not just a one time occurrence.

Something else that happened repeatedly, Kevin would often tell me he was going to up for a while or text me late at night asking if I needed something to help me sleep. He would have me meet him upstairs. Sometimes even with others around it would be mentioned that I hadn’t slept much. Kevin went to his bedroom and came back into the kitchen and handed me a pill from his pocket telling me it was a muscle relaxer. He would then pour me typically a couple shots worth of whiskey or rum and tell me to down that with the pill. Now I have to say, this started before I was 21yrs old. And I am an absolute lightweight when it comes to any kind of medication. I have chronic back issues and I HATE taking anything for it because even the most mild muscle relaxers knock me out for 12+ hrs.
So within 15-20 minutes of the combo of hard liquor and prescription drugs, I typically couldn’t so much as walk straight. Kevin would end up walking me downstairs to my room because I was too dizzy to safely make it downstairs. Once in the basement and in the far corner where my bedroom was he would start kissing me, groping me, and he would assault me once again.

These were not rare occasions and this was not just a man who was overwhelmed with a woman’s beauty and accidentally felt her up like some would like you to believe. This is a man who intentionally manipulated and terrorized his victim for his enjoyment for years! Making her worst nightmares and more, a reality.

Click here to read the next post Final Physical Boundary

Constant

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

I want to address the frequency of the abuse that I endured. It has been said that it happened “multiple times” and at one point said things happened for just a few months. When in fact, both of those are wrong. The sexual abuse was constant and happened for years. But saying things like “a few times” “multiple times” or “just a few months” it makes it sound so much better and can be easily portrayed as a moment or two of weakness for Kevin. But if it’s constant and spans over the course of years, that image is harder to create.

For those of you that aren’t familiar with the teachings of this church and others like it, I think it is important to explain. Within these circles a man and woman who are not married and aren’t like immediate relatives, you were NEVER allowed to be alone with one another. Just for accountability reasons.

So as a young woman who was not related to anyone in this family, you would assume I was never left alone with any of the men. But that is where you would be wrong. I would frequently come home from babysitting or running errands and Kevin would be home and the little kids would be downstairs napping or tucked away in the study watching a movie. Or we would all go to church but we couldn’t all fit in one car and I often drove mine. After we had dinner at church most every Sunday Teri, Brittanie, and Stephen and 1 or 2 of the little kids would all be leaving. I would be left with a child or two and Kevin to take home in my car. These things were not rare occasions, I was essentially left alone with Kevin multiple times a week minimum. Whether that was in the house or to drive to or from somewhere. The church members who were not family were completely unaware of this as they would have been outraged by this. I know because they have told me after finding everything out.

As horrible as my abuse was, it was unfortunately not a rare occasion. I was left alone with Kevin many times a week. Even if we weren’t left alone he would be in his study working on his sermons late at night and for a while his study was downstairs in the basement right beside my room. He would text me random questions about my dreams or something and tell me if I couldn’t sleep to come talk to him about them. I would walk in his office and he would pretty immediately turn his chair and spread his legs apart motioning me to come around his desk.
When we would ride home from church together there would be a young child in the backseat. Within 5 minutes of the car ride his hand would be on my legs and fairly quickly he would have his hand up my skirt or in my pants. He would often get me to put my hands on his lap and give him a handjob after he unbuttoned his pants.
There were countless times that he would be doing all of that and if there wasn’t a child in the backseat he would have me give him a blowjob. We would pull into the parking lot even for church and he would be able to walk in and go preach a sermon like nothing happened.

In the house, every time I turned a corner and he was in the room he would grope me, rub his body against mine even as his wife and children were right around the corner. There was not a day that went by in that house for me that his hands did not touch me unless I was violently ill all day or one of us was gone obviously. There was even a time I was standing behind a recliner on the edge of the living room watching Stephen play a game on the tv and Teri and Brittanie were gone at that time and the little kids were in bed. Kevin came up beside me and was talking with Stephen about the game and slipped his hand up my skirt all while talking with his son. I had to just not move and focus so not making a face and standing perfectly still so not to call attention to anything.

Many nights Kevin would make up an excuse to go downstairs at night, whether the kids room was down there at that time or his study. Everyone else would be upstairs watching a show. In the beginning he would text me, as the months went along he didn’t need to say anything, I knew what he was doing. He wanted me to come up with a reason to go downstairs shortly after him. He would text Teri something about how the kids were being rowdy and he was going to stay down there for a minute to make sure they were settling down. The unfinished basement was full of junk. So he would position himself mostly behind stuff but in a spot where he could see the door to the basement and make sure I shut it on my way down. Then he would have me give him a blowjob or one of the many other combinations of things.

This abuse was not just a one time or a few times of a lapse of judgment. Nor was it strictly the doing of just Kevin Dodd, Teri constantly was taking the other adults out of the house with her or leaving just me and her husband places with only one car to get home in. Teri also was constantly telling the other women in the church how I had horrible boundaries, how due to my previous abuse had the emotional intelligence of a 12yr old. I am now good friends with one of the women Teri confided in regularly about this. That woman’s advice to Teri was frequently that she needed to protect her home and kick me out. As a matter of fact this family confronted the Dodds about how they felt it was unwise to keep me living in that home with them. They tried to present other options for me and where I could live. Kevin and Teri always ignored this advice, they didn’t like it and didn’t want anyone else mettling in their business.

Now, as I am writing this, I have been told that part of the churches defense they have been telling other people that during this timeframe, I dressed provocatively, would throw myself on the couch and let my skirt ride up or shirt would show my stomach. I was constantly throwing myself at the men in the household according to the family.

So let me ask you, if you had a young woman living in your home with your teenage son and husband and she was constantly throwing herself at the men, dressing provocatively, and didn’t have a good understanding of boundaries, would you be leaving that woman home alone several times a week with your husband? Would you even let her continue to live in your home?
This abuse was not just from Kevin Dodd, he had help. This abuse did not just take place a couple times over the course of a couple months. Once it started less than a year after I moved in, I rarely went a day without Kevin’s hands on me at some point if not multiple times a day. We would be alone several times a week where things went further depending on the timeframe in which we were left alone. This hell was my reality for over 3½ yrs…


Click here for the next post, Nightmares, drugs and alcohol

Controversy: Was it ever really True Repentance?

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

As some might have seen, Hope Baptist has posted a statement letter called Controversy regarding the contents of our blog! To show how full of lies that statement letter is, I need to explain what happened when Kevin got caught!

In January of 2016, Stephen saw my phone in the bathroom and he had had suspensions about his dad (he will explain more about that later), so he looked at my messages to Kevin. Well Kevin had been texting me earlier that day to set up a secret meeting behind a gas station in town. Which was a very regular thing he would do but he always reminded me to delete the messages and he had forgotten this time. So he brought it to his mom and then dad, Kevin tried to deny it and proceeded to show that he didn’t have any messages on his phone! But they had mine and could obviously prove they existed. They called Brandon and I very quickly went down to the basement to my room sobbing, I was so scared of what was about to happen. Teri was always so mean and horrible to me before so now what was she going to do to me! What was the church going to do to me? I could hear some yelling upstairs off and on for a long time. In the morning I was asked to come upstairs and talk with Brandon and Jonathan, the other two elders of the church at that time. As I walked upstairs Kevin was in the dining room which I had to pass to go into the study. He smiled at me and said “Good Morning Sydney” I was confused, why was he talking to me? Why was he smiling? What was about to happen?

I went into the study with Brandon Dodd, Jonathan Betancourt, and Brittanie Dodd, they wanted Brittanie present for accountability they said. They informed me that they had spoken with Kevin and wanted to ask me three yes or no questions as they knew this would be hard to talk about. Brandon asked if there was inappropriate texting and talking, to which I said yes. He asked if there was inappropriate touching, I said yes. Then he asked if we had intercourse, meaning penis in vagina, which I said no. Brandon said well good, it looks like your stories line up. I was crying and Jonathan immediately told me that it was okay, everyone has their own personal sin struggles and they would help me through mine. I was devastated! They are blaming me. I was terrified knowing that people found out about what was going on but also relieved knowing it was over. But now so confused, why are they blaming me? Why aren’t they asking me what happened?

They had my phone and they told me for my safety they were going to keep my keys. I was also going to be staying with Zack and Savannah Stargell. A little later that day I was taken over to their house. Savannah sat with me and we talked some and she sobbed with me, holding me. She told me how angry she was at her dad saying, “I don’t understand how he could do this to you! He knows how much you’ve struggled with trusting men and he destroyed that! I am so angry at him and angry for you!” It’s like somehow she knew the truth. I didn’t feel like I deserved her kindness. We sobbed a lot that afternoon together. Brandon came over though that evening and talked to Zack and Savannah alone for a while and then all of us and they explained how we were not to talk about any of this stuff at all together. Jonathan would be handling my counseling and Christie, his wife would be present but that I should only talk to them about this stuff.

I was then told that the next day in church I had to confess before the church and give an apology to everyone. Brandon explained that he knew it would likely be almost impossible for me to stand up at the pulpit and do it. So they would write and read both and I would just have to say that I agreed into a mic at church.

The next day at church before service Kevin went before the church and read his confession of adultery and apology to the church, his family, and wife and he stepped down as head Elder. Then my confession and apology was read and I had to agree to it. I just so desperately wanted to hurry up and get it over with. I just wanted it all to end. Then the church was told from the pulpit that Brandon would be handling (his father) Kevin’s church discipline and counseling and Jonathan Betancourt would be handling mine. Then all the members were told no one was to be talking to one another about this matter. If anyone was caught talking about it they would be under even more severe church discipline than what kevin and I were under.

After service I was told by the elders that they were keeping my keys for my safety and they were keeping my phone until they could figure out a way to put something on it to read all my messages, for accountability. After a week they finally gave me my phone and keys back, they had put something on my phone that let them read all my text messages. 

Later that week I met with Jonathan and Christie. I poured out my heart recounting what happened, I was finally able to talk to someone about what actually happened to me. Finally someone will know the truth and not blame me for everything. Or so I thought, right after our sessions Jonathan would meet with Brandon to talk through everything. I was continually told and counseled for this “specific sin struggle”. I also wrote out things that happened because they wanted to know everytime a new boundary was crossed and who initiated it. I was told that Brandon and Jonathan would be looking over it and making sure Kevin and I’s stories matched up.

After several weeks of being counseled for my sins. I was told that I had to write a very detailed apology to Kevin and one to Teri. And that they would do the same for me. Jonathan then gave me several key things that I needed to include in this said apology. He really emphasized that it needed to be very detailed and not at all vague because that wouldn’t show true repentance. I was honestly so ready for this to all be over, I just wanted to get this part over with. So I took his notes and things he said I had to include and wrote one for each of them. I had to then give it to Jonathan so he and Brandon could look it over to make sure they were adequate. I did write both of them on paper so I don’t have copies of them. But I received my apology letter from Kevin and was honestly so confused, it was so vague and didn’t really admit or say much of anything. I also never got one from Teri.


So I guess I’d ask, is this a true letter of repentance? Was my situation handled correctly? We also have other ex members that are willing to also testify to the fact that they lied too about what all actually happened between Kevin and I. That the Elders did not seek out counsel and when members brought their concerns to the elders about how things were being handled they were basically told to not question it.

Also in regards to the abuse and how the church is stating it happened multiple times, I will explain this point more in another post but this abuse was constant! I did not go a day without this man putting his hands on me in some way! I was also left alone with him in the house at least a couple times a week. (Which is very much unacceptable by the rules they and their church believe in.) On Sunday’s, the rest of the family would leave church and it was just Kevin and I and a young child pretty much every single week. There were too many of us in our home that we couldn’t all fit in one car so I would drive mine. So after church I would have to take them home in my small car. And yes, Kevin would assault me while the child was in the back seat.

Son Finds Proof of His Father’s Abuse

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

It’s in January of 2016 that I, Alexander Clemence, son of Kevin Dodd, find to be the best place to begin telling you this story. 

I was 18 years old and still living with my parents. At this time also living here were my parents, Kevin and Teri Dodd, one of my biological sisters, Brittanie Dodd, my cousin Guy, my three adopted siblings and Sydney. 

Sydney had been living with my family for three and a half years. She moved in when Steffanie still lived there, who since then had gotten married and moved out. 

Her decision to move in was one of practical benefit; she wanted to help coach a volleyball team with Brittanie and driving from Joplin as frequently as she would have to wasn’t tenable. Having had the impression that my family was a trustworthy Christian family, neither she nor her parents had any inkling of risk posed to her by any one of the Dodd’s. 

Sydney had forgotten her phone in the bathroom, I was the one who found it and I knew the passcode to unlock it. I chose to look into her messages with my father, and I found a string of texts and replies between them, arranging a secret meeting behind a gas station. 

I brought this to my mother, who, seemingly enraged, called for my father whose first instinct was to lie by trying to show how the messages weren’t present on his phone. Immediately it was obvious he’d deleted them on his end. Within the hour the other two elders of our church got to the house to guide us in this situation. These two elders were Brandon Dodd, my fathers first-born son and Jonathan Betancourt who had been frequently claimed as another son by my parents. There was nothing said of the questionable nature of these two men being the ones to handle this situation – in fact, there were no questions asked except those that were harshly rebuked.

At one point with only Sydney and the young children absent from the room, I asked my father a question about how physical things had been. At the time I remember feeling guilty when my father quietly indicated that it wasn’t just hugging or being handsy. Not guilty because of his response, or because of the fact that my mother seemed angry with him. I was made to feel guilty by my brother, who angrily reminded me that no one was meant to ask questions but he or Jonathan. 

Very little information made its way out at this point. It’s ironic because this was in my opinion the first and last point that my father felt a modicum of guilt. Guilt that I now see for what it was; someone cowering in fear of the consequences about to rain down on them.

I was quickly denied being present in any other conversations, which left me to simply observe the activity. The Elders spoke with only my father to confirm details, neglecting to speak to Sydney at all until initial consequences were being put in place. 

Sydney’s phone and car keys were taken; the line of reasoning being that they didn’t want to risk her communicating further with my father. 

Neither my father’s phone nor his vehicle access were removed. Likewise when the elder’s decided to put an application on Sydney’s phone to monitor her messages, my father refused this as well. 

Kevin faced no consequences while Sydney was banished to live with another young couple in the church, Savannah Stargell and her husband Zack, my sister and her husband. Sydney was also forbidden to speak about the matter with anyone, but absolutely not with Savannah or Zack.

My father was so fully spared anything past a slap on the wrist that my mother – in what was purported as grace but I see as compliance – let him sleep in the same bed as her that same night. 

Kevin deserved – if nothing else – brutal scrutiny, and was instead treated as a man who slightly erred and deserved nothing but compassion. While the church elders shunted a young woman off to an unfamiliar home with no outside contact or means of escape, they spoke to the family of her abuser to implore them to be mindful of his state, fearing he might do something to harm himself.

No such concern was spoken in regards to Sydney.

I had one other conversation with my brother that night before he left. Because in the last year I had made clear intentions that I was fully intent on marrying Sydney; intentions she didn’t have any notion of. 

So I simply asked my brother and church elder how I handled those feelings and that intention in lieu of what I now knew had happened. 

I’m sharing his response with you because I feel it is telling of the wicked perspective of my brother, a purported man of God. 

“Everyone has dirt, you just have to ask yourself if she’s going to be too dirty to you now.” 


Click here for the next blog post “Constant”

Moving in: Part 2

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

Senior year, my best friend Savannah Dodd who I met playing volleyball and I were graduating high school in a few short months. I had grown close with her family as they offered to me and my family that I could come and stay with them after late night practices or early morning games since we lived about an hour and a half away. They ran the team I played for and they offered a coaching job to me as I hadn’t planned on going to college, they even offered to let me move in with them and help. My parents were okay with it as the family (particularly Teri Dodd) was always super kind to my mom and so loving and welcoming to us. 

Since I didn’t really have any set plans after high school it sounded like a good idea! I had opened up with Savannah about my depression and then the other sisters as I moved in. Savannah got married and moved out right before I moved in, so I got closer with Steffanie and Brittanie Dodd. As we got closer I was heavily encouraged to seek out counseling particularly from Kevin Dodd. Kevin was the head elder at the church the Dodd’s started and everyone referred to him and Teri as my second parents. The family also started heavily picking at anything I said about my parents claiming that they were abusive and not loving, but we will talk about that isolation more in another post. 

I was repeatedly told for months I needed to go to Kevin for counseling and that I wasn’t being a good “daughter” in the house as I wasn’t submitting myself to him. I had struggled with depression and intrusive thoughts, not self harming or suicidal, more like I would pull up at a stoplight and think the person in the car next to me would break in and kidnap me, pull a gun and shoot me, things like that. 

After about 6 months or so I finally did go to Kevin and one day in particular I was telling him about something I was struggling with, it was nap time and the little kids were asleep and I don’t remember who all was home adult wise but we were alone in the living room which wasn’t uncommon. I started crying at one point, I was standing and he came over to me and sat in a chair I was by and pulled me on to his lap. It was odd but I remembered the girls telling me about how their dad Kevin would hold them when they were upset, so I tried to calm my racing mind, reminding myself this was a normal thing. 

A little later Teri got home and he knew I didn’t like crying in front of people so Kevin took me downstairs to the basement. He brought me into the makeshift bedroom they had made with a partition wall that was just big enough to hold a queen sized bed. He stayed with me over the course of several hours leaving occasionally to go upstairs and check on things. I was told by him and all the family that I needed to basically tell Kevin everything that was going on. 

I proceeded to tell him all about my fear of men and why I had chosen to not date. I was scared, I was terrified that I would be put into a position to have to tell a man no. I didn’t know if I would be able to do that, I was a major people pleaser and throughout my teens I had so many guys cat call and text me inappropriate things and even then I struggled to tell them to stop because I was so scared I would hurt their feelings or something. So there I was sobbing to this man I have been told to submit myself to as my Elder and father figure, divulging my deepest darkest secrets as I believed those were likely causing my depression. 

He pulled me down onto his lap while he was sitting on the bed and began running his hands up and down my back. Internally I started freaking out, “is this normal? This doesn’t feel normal. But they all keep telling me that my family is horrible and I don’t know what a normal loving family looks like. Maybe this is it, he probably doesn’t realize how low his hand keeps going.” Kevin would tell me he was going upstairs for a while and was going to let me rest for a bit and he would come back and check on me and see if I was ready to talk more. He came back and stood me up and hugged me, again his hands started wandering on my back as I was crying for over two hours on and off, it was nighttime at this point. Then he let his hands go a little lower onto my jeans pulling my hips harder into him as he started rocking his hip on me. Panic started to set in, “what’s happening, does he mean to do this? This is my pastor and elder, his daughter is my best friend. I must be mistaken, he isn’t doing anything wrong, he’s just tired and not thinking!” He turned me around at some point, my back against his chest, his hands were on my stomach and kept creeping down to the top of my jeans and then up to the edge of my bra all the while he just kept rocking his hips against my body. This went on for several hours. I finally got to the point where I was so exhausted that I couldn’t hardly stand anymore and my eyes were swollen from crying, so he took me to my room and told me to go to bed. 

Once I woke up that morning, I remember thinking and trying to make sense of the night before, “What happened? He is my elder, a second dad to me, he must’ve not known how far his hands kept going, there simply is no other explanation!” I went upstairs after getting ready for the day to find Kevin in the kitchen and the 3 little kids in the breakfast nook. Kevin said good morning and asked how I was and I told him I was okay, still a little tired and worn out from everything. 

There was small talk while I got myself something to drink and talked some to the little kids. Kevin walked over beside me and gave me a hug and told me that he was glad I was able to come to him and he would help me and counsel me. Then he pulled me in tighter and pressed my body firmly up against his and his hands kept getting lower on my back and he let out a big sigh. He started to whisper in my ear telling me I was just so beautiful he couldn’t control his wandering hands but that he wanted to keep helping me, so he needed me to tell him and his hands no. It would be my job to stop him from letting his hands wander on my body and kept doing the same thing as the night before. 

I was stunned and shocked; what was he saying? Didn’t he hear me last night tell him that the only reason I as a nineteen year old had never dated or anything was because I was so terrified of men and the fact that I couldn’t tell anyone no? Also, did that mean everything he did was on purpose, why would he do that? He says I’m like a daughter to him and I’m his daughter’s best friend! What should I do? Maybe he won’t do that again now that he has acknowledged that he’s wrong, he’s obviously sorry and wont do it again! Also, I am just going to have to try to tell him no, he told me that’s my job but what’s okay and not. Everyone has said I don’t have a normal family and it’s okay for him to hold me like a child but in my head I didn’t think that was okay. What is normal and okay and what isn’t? 

I was so confused and I didn’t have anyone I could talk to about it because I didn’t even know what really happened! But he told me we should talk again soon and especially when I was ready to talk about my dreams. Because he said, “I don’t think those are just dreams, no one has dreams like that that wasn’t abused!”

That is how the grooming and abuse started.

Click Here for Next Boundary Crossed: Part 3

Next Boundary Crossed: Part 3

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

In the weeks to follow the first “Counseling sessions” many others followed with similar results. Kevin would repeatedly say things about my dreams not just being dreams but traumatic events that actually happened to me playing out in my dreams. (I was not sexually abused before Kevin Dodd and I will explain more about that in another post.) He would often ask leading questions, in example, when I mentioned someone drinking beer in one of my dreams. Kevin recounted that my family didn’t drink, so who was I around that did? I only had one friend who’s dad drank in front of me on occasion, so I mentioned him. Kevin immediately told me, well then what did he do to you then? Was it actually him in your dream but is it not actually a dream but a memory? Kevin would grope and grind on my body for a while while counseling me then ask a question like the previous one toward the end and tell me to come find him sometime when I figured out the answer or needed help working through things again.

I would stress over the questions, questioning my entire life and existence and all that I knew. Inevitably I would go to him and talk about things he had said before. He would come up with reasons to walk over to me or have something on his computer he would want to show me so I would have to go around his desk in his study and stand by him. He would start running his hands all over my butt and grind on me anytime he was standing.

One day, I came home from my once a week daycare job I had at the time to find that Kevin was home with just a little child asleep in their room for naptime. He was in the living room in a swivel chair. I walked in the door and he asked how my day went as I walked into the house. We talked for a minute about some random chit chat. He turned the chair to fully face me and kind of tapped his leg. Well at this point, I knew what that meant, I knew what he was asking for. I was starting to really feel like my job was to give him access to my body, after all, it was my fault for not saying no the first time!

As I walked over to his chair he quickly put his hands on my thighs and started rubbing up and down my legs. He started rubbing his fingers on the top of my pants, running his finger along the top of them. Then he told me to sit down and gently tugged on my waistline until I was sitting in front of him, my back against the chair positioned in between his legs. He started with his hands on my shoulder and creeped up to the collar of my shirt, Then suddenly plunged one hand down my shirt. While the other hand worked down my torso and he grabbed my pants and started unbuttoning my pants.

It all happened so fast, I was a virgin, I had never even been kissed, let alone a grown man putting his hands underneath my clothes touching me like this. What was happening and why was he doing this? He told me it was my job to tell his wandering hands no, this was happening because I was failing him, why couldn’t I just say no. Yet why was I starting to feel like this was my job, like I was told to submit myself to him. Was this what everyone was meaning?

While he starts trying to unbutton my pants, I am panicking! What’s going to happen? What was he going to do when he did get the unbuttoned? Well moments later my mind is snapped back to reality when he gets my pants undone and plunges his hand down my pants and underwear. As his fingers touch me and after a moment of holding my breath. Then he leaned his upper body down till his head was resting right beside mine, and while he bends over he started penetrating me. 

After several minutes went by he asked if that felt okay? And did I want him to stop? That became his theme, he was asking those questions after he had done something for several seconds or minutes. I said it was fine and he just kept going. I felt so ashamed, so dirty, what was happening? Why was he doing this? What was wrong with me that this was happening?

He finally stopped after what felt like forever. He asked if I was okay, to which I responded I was fine like always. He then said that Brittanie was going to be home soon. So he got up saying he needed to go do some things and went to his bedroom. I went downstairs to the basement to my room and cried for a while trying to figure out what just happened and why I couldn’t just do what he asked me to and say no! What was wrong with me?

Instances like this happened frequently over the course of a month or so until he escalated things. Which I will talk about in the next post.

Click Here for Locked in a Room: Part 4

Introduction: Part 1

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

This blog contains the story of what happened to Sydney Sjorlund at Hope Baptist Church in Springfield Missouri. Sydney was living with the Kevin Dodd family and Kevin’s son Stephen discovered evidence that his dad was engaged in a totally inappropriate relationship with Sydney. The cat was out of the bag and the leadership of Hope Baptist Church had to do something about it. If they had fears that Kevin’s actions were criminal in nature they were well justified. So they went into damage control mode, concocting a plan to share blame equally between the perpetrator Pastor Kevin Dodd and Sydney.  Pastor Kevin Dodd stood before the members of Hope Baptist Church and confessed his sin of “adultery.” He then announced he was stepping down as head pastor. Sydney was then forced to stand before the congregation and read a short prepared statement (which had to be pre-approved by the elders) and confess her “sin of adultery.” The entire event was a sham and many members were outraged by it. Over half the church removed their memberships, some doing so only after confronting the elders over what we could plainly see was a cover up. Some of us have, from time to time, continued calling our former elders to repentance. All efforts have fallen on deaf ears. We’ve waited far longer than we probably should have to bring this matter public. 

There are no laws against grooming. Predators are left unfettered to groom even little children, waiting patiently until they reach the age of “consent.” Rarely does clergy sexual abuse occur without prior grooming, and often the grooming has taken place over years, prior to any sexual assault. The goal of grooming is to slowly and progressively break down natural self-protection barriers. It starts seemingly innocent enough with hugging leading to long embraces, progressing to touching and stroking, lap-sitting, etc. This leads to petting over the clothing. Once the actual sexual abuse begins, the victim has been thoroughly conditioned to put up little or no resistance to it.  

Even with all the prior grooming, sexual abuse always results in trauma, confusion and self-doubt. Trauma is amplified where it includes not just sexual abuse but also verbal and emotional abuse and blame. Try as the predator might to convince his victim that “We’ve got a special relationship. But we have to keep it a secret because no one else will understand,” the victim will feel shame. The shame, self-doubt and confusion serves to the benefit of the predator by keeping the victim silent. Then there’s the issue of gaslighting. Some pastors are extraordinarily gifted at gaslighting, especially where they authoritatively quote the Word Of God as justification for their actions. Predatory pastors often gaslight their victims into believing the sex is something the victim wants. That way if the predator is caught he can claim it’s “consensual” and therefore, at worst, “adultery.” Predatory pastors rarely ever accept responsibility fully. At best they “blame-share” thereby making their victims equally responsible. Some even go so far as to victim-blame, i.e. “She seduced me with her feminine wiles.” One of the favorite sermons predatory pastors preach is on David and Bathsheba. Bathsheba gets the blame for “tempting David by indiscreetly bathing on her roof.” 

What happens when victims of clergy sexual abuse do muster up the courage to be a whistle-blower in their church? In many if not most cases elders, deacons, and many of the congregants circle the wagons. It may not be right but it’s a natural tendency to disbelieve a whistle-blower, especially where what’s at stake is the unblemished reputation of a “godly spiritual leader.” Even where there’s overwhelming evidence of clergy sexual abuse, at best it will be spun as “an inappropriate physical relationship,” or perhaps “adultery” with the goal of “restoring the pastor” as quickly as possible. Little if any regard is given to the victim. 

This is Sydney’s story, but she writes it with our support – former members of Hope Baptist Church Springfield. Tragically this isn’t just a case of your ordinary clergy sexual abuse. It’s actually much worse than that. Add to that a daily dose of verbal and emotional abuse. Yeah, not consensual in the least. Gaslight the victim into believing their parents were “evil” and “abusive.” After encouraging Sydney to move into their home the Dodds engaged in a calculated agenda of parental alienation to isolate Sydney from her own family, thereby making her that much more vulnerable. 

To the Matthew 18 Police: Yes, multiple members have confronted the elders, and repeatedly so. Many have brought their concerns to them, pleading for plausible explanations, only to be rebuffed with a blanket, “It’s slander. It’s lies. It’s gossip.” Their refusal to provide any credible justifications left us only to plead with them to repent and step down from leadership. Even as recently as February 2023 some went to them yet once again, only to have them circle the wagons again. Six years have come and gone with no resolution in sight. It is with great regret that we now are compelled to take this catastrophic moral failure public. 

Kevin Dodd stepped down in 2016 as head pastor of Hope Baptist Church (only to be replaced by the very elders who covered up for him), as of this date Kevin Dodd remains Associate Pastor Of Worship at First Baptist Church of Battlefield, MO even though they have removed him from the website. This is a prime example of pastors protecting predators while ignoring their victims. Though Pastor Ray Smith has known about this for years, he’s content to permit a sexual predator “minister” in the midst of the very flock he’s charged with guarding. Other Baptist pastors and leaders in the Springfield area were also long ago made aware but likewise have turned a blind eye. 

Sydney’s story may contain graphic descriptions of sexual abuse. Sydney is apprehensive about going into any graphic detail. But we have encouraged her to be fully disclosing the details, not for shock value but in the interest of uncovering what Hope Baptist Church elders have sought for so long to cover up. The nasty details are the very thing they know to likely constitute criminal acts. It is therefore inappropriate for children to read this blog. Reading this blog could also trigger victims of sexual abuse and should, therefore, be read only after careful reflection of whether or not the reader is emotionally prepared.



Click Here for Moving in: Part 2

Locked in a Room: Part 4

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

It was a Saturday afternoon, I came home from babysitting for one of the families. Teri had gone to Piedmont for a couple days to help her parents and took one of the little kids and both of her adult children who lived in the house at that time.

It was nap time so the children that were in the home were asleep. I was supposed to be going over to Zack and Savannah Stargell’s home later that day to stay the night. Kevin was in the living room playing a video game and I was standing in the doorway of the living room just chit-chatting. We were talking about something to do with the kids and I had something on my phone and walked over to show him. At that point he had turned the chair completely facing me and leaned far forward as I walked over. 

He positioned himself to where his shoulder was touching my hip. The chair was a very low chair and he let his arm hang off the side of it and slowly wrapped it around my leg. I knew what was about to happen, I froze and just tried to keep talking about the kids and the game he was playing. He continued for a bit to play the game with one hand as the other kept inching up my inner thigh. At some point he told me to sit in front of him and he slipped his hand down my chest and to the top of my waistline, then he paused the game to unbutton my pants. He plunged his hand down my pants against my skin. He was moving his hands all over me and then after what felt like forever he began to penetrate me with his fingers. After a few moments he asked if that felt okay, if I wanted him to stop. I didn’t really respond, I never said much. 

Then he suddenly stopped and pulled his hand out and turned the game off and told me to stand up and come with him. I panicked, my voice in my head started screaming, “Why can you not just say no!! Run, why are you walking with him! What’s going to happen, where are we going?” 

He ushered me in front of him and down the hall to the guest bedroom. I paused at the doorway mind racing, he gave me a little nudge to go in, which I did. He came in and locked the door behind him and closed the blinds on the windows. Without saying a word he walked up to me with the bed behind me and started taking my clothes off me. I didn’t utter a word, I couldn’t. What was happening? What was he going to do? I was so ashamed and mortified, I had never been naked in front of a man and this was a man who claimed to be my surrogate father and he was my pastor. What was going to happen, why was he doing this, why couldn’t I just say no like he asked me to?! 

After I was completely naked he gently pushed me back to lay on the bed with my legs hanging off at my knees and he just stood there for a minute staring at my body. Then he placed his hands on my knees and started to slide them up my inner thighs as he began to kneel down. What was he going to do, he’s still fully clothed? As he knelt down he began kissing my inner thighs until suddenly he started performing oral sex and using the other to roam freely over my body. 

After a few moments he stopped and asked if it felt okay and if he needed to stop. I knew what he wanted, he didn’t want to stop, I wasn’t supposed to say no, he wouldn’t have brought me in here if I was allowed to say no. So I said he could keep going. 

I don’t recall how long this went on, I truthfully felt myself leave my own body and it’s like I was up above us watching this happen to another version of myself. After what seemed like forever he stopped and lifted my body and placed my head at the head of the bed and I was slightly propped up on the headboard. He stood right beside me pressed up against my head stroking my hair with one hand while also pushing my head harder against his hips while the other hand was caressing my body.

At this point, I remembered that I had been talking about different nightmares I had had where a man would force me to perform oral sex on him and Kevin had kept telling me that no one has dreams like that unless they were abused themselves.
He began to grind on my head and softly moan. He pulled my head back and looked into my eyes saying, “ I want your mouth.” 

So then I gave what was demand. After a few minutes he finished and tilted my head and looked me in the eyes saying, “That was amazing, that definitely wasn’t your first time doing that!” my heart sank. Thankfully moments later we heard a child walking down the hall calling for their dad. He quickly told them to go turn the tv on and daddy would be out in a few moments. 

He sat with me for a few moments looking at my body telling me what a good job I had done. Then he started to leave telling me to wait a few minutes before getting up so the kids wouldn’t see us leaving the room together. 

I finally got up and immediately went downstairs to pack and go to Zack and Savannah’s house. Trying to make sense of what just happened and hoping that it would not happen ever again. 

But unfortunately that was just the beginning.

Click Here for Son Finds Proof of Father’s Abuse