sexual abuse

Controversy: Was it ever really True Repentance?

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

As some might have seen, Hope Baptist has posted a statement letter called Controversy regarding the contents of our blog! To show how full of lies that statement letter is, I need to explain what happened when Kevin got caught!

In January of 2016, Stephen saw my phone in the bathroom and he had had suspensions about his dad (he will explain more about that later), so he looked at my messages to Kevin. Well Kevin had been texting me earlier that day to set up a secret meeting behind a gas station in town. Which was a very regular thing he would do but he always reminded me to delete the messages and he had forgotten this time. So he brought it to his mom and then dad, Kevin tried to deny it and proceeded to show that he didn’t have any messages on his phone! But they had mine and could obviously prove they existed. They called Brandon and I very quickly went down to the basement to my room sobbing, I was so scared of what was about to happen. Teri was always so mean and horrible to me before so now what was she going to do to me! What was the church going to do to me? I could hear some yelling upstairs off and on for a long time. In the morning I was asked to come upstairs and talk with Brandon and Jonathan, the other two elders of the church at that time. As I walked upstairs Kevin was in the dining room which I had to pass to go into the study. He smiled at me and said “Good Morning Sydney” I was confused, why was he talking to me? Why was he smiling? What was about to happen?

I went into the study with Brandon Dodd, Jonathan Betancourt, and Brittanie Dodd, they wanted Brittanie present for accountability they said. They informed me that they had spoken with Kevin and wanted to ask me three yes or no questions as they knew this would be hard to talk about. Brandon asked if there was inappropriate texting and talking, to which I said yes. He asked if there was inappropriate touching, I said yes. Then he asked if we had intercourse, meaning penis in vagina, which I said no. Brandon said well good, it looks like your stories line up. I was crying and Jonathan immediately told me that it was okay, everyone has their own personal sin struggles and they would help me through mine. I was devastated! They are blaming me. I was terrified knowing that people found out about what was going on but also relieved knowing it was over. But now so confused, why are they blaming me? Why aren’t they asking me what happened?

They had my phone and they told me for my safety they were going to keep my keys. I was also going to be staying with Zack and Savannah Stargell. A little later that day I was taken over to their house. Savannah sat with me and we talked some and she sobbed with me, holding me. She told me how angry she was at her dad saying, “I don’t understand how he could do this to you! He knows how much you’ve struggled with trusting men and he destroyed that! I am so angry at him and angry for you!” It’s like somehow she knew the truth. I didn’t feel like I deserved her kindness. We sobbed a lot that afternoon together. Brandon came over though that evening and talked to Zack and Savannah alone for a while and then all of us and they explained how we were not to talk about any of this stuff at all together. Jonathan would be handling my counseling and Christie, his wife would be present but that I should only talk to them about this stuff.

I was then told that the next day in church I had to confess before the church and give an apology to everyone. Brandon explained that he knew it would likely be almost impossible for me to stand up at the pulpit and do it. So they would write and read both and I would just have to say that I agreed into a mic at church.

The next day at church before service Kevin went before the church and read his confession of adultery and apology to the church, his family, and wife and he stepped down as head Elder. Then my confession and apology was read and I had to agree to it. I just so desperately wanted to hurry up and get it over with. I just wanted it all to end. Then the church was told from the pulpit that Brandon would be handling (his father) Kevin’s church discipline and counseling and Jonathan Betancourt would be handling mine. Then all the members were told no one was to be talking to one another about this matter. If anyone was caught talking about it they would be under even more severe church discipline than what kevin and I were under.

After service I was told by the elders that they were keeping my keys for my safety and they were keeping my phone until they could figure out a way to put something on it to read all my messages, for accountability. After a week they finally gave me my phone and keys back, they had put something on my phone that let them read all my text messages. 

Later that week I met with Jonathan and Christie. I poured out my heart recounting what happened, I was finally able to talk to someone about what actually happened to me. Finally someone will know the truth and not blame me for everything. Or so I thought, right after our sessions Jonathan would meet with Brandon to talk through everything. I was continually told and counseled for this “specific sin struggle”. I also wrote out things that happened because they wanted to know everytime a new boundary was crossed and who initiated it. I was told that Brandon and Jonathan would be looking over it and making sure Kevin and I’s stories matched up.

After several weeks of being counseled for my sins. I was told that I had to write a very detailed apology to Kevin and one to Teri. And that they would do the same for me. Jonathan then gave me several key things that I needed to include in this said apology. He really emphasized that it needed to be very detailed and not at all vague because that wouldn’t show true repentance. I was honestly so ready for this to all be over, I just wanted to get this part over with. So I took his notes and things he said I had to include and wrote one for each of them. I had to then give it to Jonathan so he and Brandon could look it over to make sure they were adequate. I did write both of them on paper so I don’t have copies of them. But I received my apology letter from Kevin and was honestly so confused, it was so vague and didn’t really admit or say much of anything. I also never got one from Teri.


So I guess I’d ask, is this a true letter of repentance? Was my situation handled correctly? We also have other ex members that are willing to also testify to the fact that they lied too about what all actually happened between Kevin and I. That the Elders did not seek out counsel and when members brought their concerns to the elders about how things were being handled they were basically told to not question it.

Also in regards to the abuse and how the church is stating it happened multiple times, I will explain this point more in another post but this abuse was constant! I did not go a day without this man putting his hands on me in some way! I was also left alone with him in the house at least a couple times a week. (Which is very much unacceptable by the rules they and their church believe in.) On Sunday’s, the rest of the family would leave church and it was just Kevin and I and a young child pretty much every single week. There were too many of us in our home that we couldn’t all fit in one car so I would drive mine. So after church I would have to take them home in my small car. And yes, Kevin would assault me while the child was in the back seat.

Son Finds Proof of His Father’s Abuse

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

It’s in January of 2016 that I, Alexander Clemence, son of Kevin Dodd, find to be the best place to begin telling you this story. 

I was 18 years old and still living with my parents. At this time also living here were my parents, Kevin and Teri Dodd, one of my biological sisters, Brittanie Dodd, my cousin Guy, my three adopted siblings and Sydney. 

Sydney had been living with my family for three and a half years. She moved in when Steffanie still lived there, who since then had gotten married and moved out. 

Her decision to move in was one of practical benefit; she wanted to help coach a volleyball team with Brittanie and driving from Joplin as frequently as she would have to wasn’t tenable. Having had the impression that my family was a trustworthy Christian family, neither she nor her parents had any inkling of risk posed to her by any one of the Dodd’s. 

Sydney had forgotten her phone in the bathroom, I was the one who found it and I knew the passcode to unlock it. I chose to look into her messages with my father, and I found a string of texts and replies between them, arranging a secret meeting behind a gas station. 

I brought this to my mother, who, seemingly enraged, called for my father whose first instinct was to lie by trying to show how the messages weren’t present on his phone. Immediately it was obvious he’d deleted them on his end. Within the hour the other two elders of our church got to the house to guide us in this situation. These two elders were Brandon Dodd, my fathers first-born son and Jonathan Betancourt who had been frequently claimed as another son by my parents. There was nothing said of the questionable nature of these two men being the ones to handle this situation – in fact, there were no questions asked except those that were harshly rebuked.

At one point with only Sydney and the young children absent from the room, I asked my father a question about how physical things had been. At the time I remember feeling guilty when my father quietly indicated that it wasn’t just hugging or being handsy. Not guilty because of his response, or because of the fact that my mother seemed angry with him. I was made to feel guilty by my brother, who angrily reminded me that no one was meant to ask questions but he or Jonathan. 

Very little information made its way out at this point. It’s ironic because this was in my opinion the first and last point that my father felt a modicum of guilt. Guilt that I now see for what it was; someone cowering in fear of the consequences about to rain down on them.

I was quickly denied being present in any other conversations, which left me to simply observe the activity. The Elders spoke with only my father to confirm details, neglecting to speak to Sydney at all until initial consequences were being put in place. 

Sydney’s phone and car keys were taken; the line of reasoning being that they didn’t want to risk her communicating further with my father. 

Neither my father’s phone nor his vehicle access were removed. Likewise when the elder’s decided to put an application on Sydney’s phone to monitor her messages, my father refused this as well. 

Kevin faced no consequences while Sydney was banished to live with another young couple in the church, Savannah Stargell and her husband Zack, my sister and her husband. Sydney was also forbidden to speak about the matter with anyone, but absolutely not with Savannah or Zack.

My father was so fully spared anything past a slap on the wrist that my mother – in what was purported as grace but I see as compliance – let him sleep in the same bed as her that same night. 

Kevin deserved – if nothing else – brutal scrutiny, and was instead treated as a man who slightly erred and deserved nothing but compassion. While the church elders shunted a young woman off to an unfamiliar home with no outside contact or means of escape, they spoke to the family of her abuser to implore them to be mindful of his state, fearing he might do something to harm himself.

No such concern was spoken in regards to Sydney.

I had one other conversation with my brother that night before he left. Because in the last year I had made clear intentions that I was fully intent on marrying Sydney; intentions she didn’t have any notion of. 

So I simply asked my brother and church elder how I handled those feelings and that intention in lieu of what I now knew had happened. 

I’m sharing his response with you because I feel it is telling of the wicked perspective of my brother, a purported man of God. 

“Everyone has dirt, you just have to ask yourself if she’s going to be too dirty to you now.” 


Click here for the next blog post “Constant”

Moving in: Part 2

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

Senior year, my best friend Savannah Dodd who I met playing volleyball and I were graduating high school in a few short months. I had grown close with her family as they offered to me and my family that I could come and stay with them after late night practices or early morning games since we lived about an hour and a half away. They ran the team I played for and they offered a coaching job to me as I hadn’t planned on going to college, they even offered to let me move in with them and help. My parents were okay with it as the family (particularly Teri Dodd) was always super kind to my mom and so loving and welcoming to us. 

Since I didn’t really have any set plans after high school it sounded like a good idea! I had opened up with Savannah about my depression and then the other sisters as I moved in. Savannah got married and moved out right before I moved in, so I got closer with Steffanie and Brittanie Dodd. As we got closer I was heavily encouraged to seek out counseling particularly from Kevin Dodd. Kevin was the head elder at the church the Dodd’s started and everyone referred to him and Teri as my second parents. The family also started heavily picking at anything I said about my parents claiming that they were abusive and not loving, but we will talk about that isolation more in another post. 

I was repeatedly told for months I needed to go to Kevin for counseling and that I wasn’t being a good “daughter” in the house as I wasn’t submitting myself to him. I had struggled with depression and intrusive thoughts, not self harming or suicidal, more like I would pull up at a stoplight and think the person in the car next to me would break in and kidnap me, pull a gun and shoot me, things like that. 

After about 6 months or so I finally did go to Kevin and one day in particular I was telling him about something I was struggling with, it was nap time and the little kids were asleep and I don’t remember who all was home adult wise but we were alone in the living room which wasn’t uncommon. I started crying at one point, I was standing and he came over to me and sat in a chair I was by and pulled me on to his lap. It was odd but I remembered the girls telling me about how their dad Kevin would hold them when they were upset, so I tried to calm my racing mind, reminding myself this was a normal thing. 

A little later Teri got home and he knew I didn’t like crying in front of people so Kevin took me downstairs to the basement. He brought me into the makeshift bedroom they had made with a partition wall that was just big enough to hold a queen sized bed. He stayed with me over the course of several hours leaving occasionally to go upstairs and check on things. I was told by him and all the family that I needed to basically tell Kevin everything that was going on. 

I proceeded to tell him all about my fear of men and why I had chosen to not date. I was scared, I was terrified that I would be put into a position to have to tell a man no. I didn’t know if I would be able to do that, I was a major people pleaser and throughout my teens I had so many guys cat call and text me inappropriate things and even then I struggled to tell them to stop because I was so scared I would hurt their feelings or something. So there I was sobbing to this man I have been told to submit myself to as my Elder and father figure, divulging my deepest darkest secrets as I believed those were likely causing my depression. 

He pulled me down onto his lap while he was sitting on the bed and began running his hands up and down my back. Internally I started freaking out, “is this normal? This doesn’t feel normal. But they all keep telling me that my family is horrible and I don’t know what a normal loving family looks like. Maybe this is it, he probably doesn’t realize how low his hand keeps going.” Kevin would tell me he was going upstairs for a while and was going to let me rest for a bit and he would come back and check on me and see if I was ready to talk more. He came back and stood me up and hugged me, again his hands started wandering on my back as I was crying for over two hours on and off, it was nighttime at this point. Then he let his hands go a little lower onto my jeans pulling my hips harder into him as he started rocking his hip on me. Panic started to set in, “what’s happening, does he mean to do this? This is my pastor and elder, his daughter is my best friend. I must be mistaken, he isn’t doing anything wrong, he’s just tired and not thinking!” He turned me around at some point, my back against his chest, his hands were on my stomach and kept creeping down to the top of my jeans and then up to the edge of my bra all the while he just kept rocking his hips against my body. This went on for several hours. I finally got to the point where I was so exhausted that I couldn’t hardly stand anymore and my eyes were swollen from crying, so he took me to my room and told me to go to bed. 

Once I woke up that morning, I remember thinking and trying to make sense of the night before, “What happened? He is my elder, a second dad to me, he must’ve not known how far his hands kept going, there simply is no other explanation!” I went upstairs after getting ready for the day to find Kevin in the kitchen and the 3 little kids in the breakfast nook. Kevin said good morning and asked how I was and I told him I was okay, still a little tired and worn out from everything. 

There was small talk while I got myself something to drink and talked some to the little kids. Kevin walked over beside me and gave me a hug and told me that he was glad I was able to come to him and he would help me and counsel me. Then he pulled me in tighter and pressed my body firmly up against his and his hands kept getting lower on my back and he let out a big sigh. He started to whisper in my ear telling me I was just so beautiful he couldn’t control his wandering hands but that he wanted to keep helping me, so he needed me to tell him and his hands no. It would be my job to stop him from letting his hands wander on my body and kept doing the same thing as the night before. 

I was stunned and shocked; what was he saying? Didn’t he hear me last night tell him that the only reason I as a nineteen year old had never dated or anything was because I was so terrified of men and the fact that I couldn’t tell anyone no? Also, did that mean everything he did was on purpose, why would he do that? He says I’m like a daughter to him and I’m his daughter’s best friend! What should I do? Maybe he won’t do that again now that he has acknowledged that he’s wrong, he’s obviously sorry and wont do it again! Also, I am just going to have to try to tell him no, he told me that’s my job but what’s okay and not. Everyone has said I don’t have a normal family and it’s okay for him to hold me like a child but in my head I didn’t think that was okay. What is normal and okay and what isn’t? 

I was so confused and I didn’t have anyone I could talk to about it because I didn’t even know what really happened! But he told me we should talk again soon and especially when I was ready to talk about my dreams. Because he said, “I don’t think those are just dreams, no one has dreams like that that wasn’t abused!”

That is how the grooming and abuse started.

Click Here for Next Boundary Crossed: Part 3

Next Boundary Crossed: Part 3

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

In the weeks to follow the first “Counseling sessions” many others followed with similar results. Kevin would repeatedly say things about my dreams not just being dreams but traumatic events that actually happened to me playing out in my dreams. (I was not sexually abused before Kevin Dodd and I will explain more about that in another post.) He would often ask leading questions, in example, when I mentioned someone drinking beer in one of my dreams. Kevin recounted that my family didn’t drink, so who was I around that did? I only had one friend who’s dad drank in front of me on occasion, so I mentioned him. Kevin immediately told me, well then what did he do to you then? Was it actually him in your dream but is it not actually a dream but a memory? Kevin would grope and grind on my body for a while while counseling me then ask a question like the previous one toward the end and tell me to come find him sometime when I figured out the answer or needed help working through things again.

I would stress over the questions, questioning my entire life and existence and all that I knew. Inevitably I would go to him and talk about things he had said before. He would come up with reasons to walk over to me or have something on his computer he would want to show me so I would have to go around his desk in his study and stand by him. He would start running his hands all over my butt and grind on me anytime he was standing.

One day, I came home from my once a week daycare job I had at the time to find that Kevin was home with just a little child asleep in their room for naptime. He was in the living room in a swivel chair. I walked in the door and he asked how my day went as I walked into the house. We talked for a minute about some random chit chat. He turned the chair to fully face me and kind of tapped his leg. Well at this point, I knew what that meant, I knew what he was asking for. I was starting to really feel like my job was to give him access to my body, after all, it was my fault for not saying no the first time!

As I walked over to his chair he quickly put his hands on my thighs and started rubbing up and down my legs. He started rubbing his fingers on the top of my pants, running his finger along the top of them. Then he told me to sit down and gently tugged on my waistline until I was sitting in front of him, my back against the chair positioned in between his legs. He started with his hands on my shoulder and creeped up to the collar of my shirt, Then suddenly plunged one hand down my shirt. While the other hand worked down my torso and he grabbed my pants and started unbuttoning my pants.

It all happened so fast, I was a virgin, I had never even been kissed, let alone a grown man putting his hands underneath my clothes touching me like this. What was happening and why was he doing this? He told me it was my job to tell his wandering hands no, this was happening because I was failing him, why couldn’t I just say no. Yet why was I starting to feel like this was my job, like I was told to submit myself to him. Was this what everyone was meaning?

While he starts trying to unbutton my pants, I am panicking! What’s going to happen? What was he going to do when he did get the unbuttoned? Well moments later my mind is snapped back to reality when he gets my pants undone and plunges his hand down my pants and underwear. As his fingers touch me and after a moment of holding my breath. Then he leaned his upper body down till his head was resting right beside mine, and while he bends over he started penetrating me. 

After several minutes went by he asked if that felt okay? And did I want him to stop? That became his theme, he was asking those questions after he had done something for several seconds or minutes. I said it was fine and he just kept going. I felt so ashamed, so dirty, what was happening? Why was he doing this? What was wrong with me that this was happening?

He finally stopped after what felt like forever. He asked if I was okay, to which I responded I was fine like always. He then said that Brittanie was going to be home soon. So he got up saying he needed to go do some things and went to his bedroom. I went downstairs to the basement to my room and cried for a while trying to figure out what just happened and why I couldn’t just do what he asked me to and say no! What was wrong with me?

Instances like this happened frequently over the course of a month or so until he escalated things. Which I will talk about in the next post.

Click Here for Locked in a Room: Part 4

Introduction: Part 1

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

This blog contains the story of what happened to Sydney Sjorlund at Hope Baptist Church in Springfield Missouri. Sydney was living with the Kevin Dodd family and Kevin’s son Stephen discovered evidence that his dad was engaged in a totally inappropriate relationship with Sydney. The cat was out of the bag and the leadership of Hope Baptist Church had to do something about it. If they had fears that Kevin’s actions were criminal in nature they were well justified. So they went into damage control mode, concocting a plan to share blame equally between the perpetrator Pastor Kevin Dodd and Sydney.  Pastor Kevin Dodd stood before the members of Hope Baptist Church and confessed his sin of “adultery.” He then announced he was stepping down as head pastor. Sydney was then forced to stand before the congregation and read a short prepared statement (which had to be pre-approved by the elders) and confess her “sin of adultery.” The entire event was a sham and many members were outraged by it. Over half the church removed their memberships, some doing so only after confronting the elders over what we could plainly see was a cover up. Some of us have, from time to time, continued calling our former elders to repentance. All efforts have fallen on deaf ears. We’ve waited far longer than we probably should have to bring this matter public. 

There are no laws against grooming. Predators are left unfettered to groom even little children, waiting patiently until they reach the age of “consent.” Rarely does clergy sexual abuse occur without prior grooming, and often the grooming has taken place over years, prior to any sexual assault. The goal of grooming is to slowly and progressively break down natural self-protection barriers. It starts seemingly innocent enough with hugging leading to long embraces, progressing to touching and stroking, lap-sitting, etc. This leads to petting over the clothing. Once the actual sexual abuse begins, the victim has been thoroughly conditioned to put up little or no resistance to it.  

Even with all the prior grooming, sexual abuse always results in trauma, confusion and self-doubt. Trauma is amplified where it includes not just sexual abuse but also verbal and emotional abuse and blame. Try as the predator might to convince his victim that “We’ve got a special relationship. But we have to keep it a secret because no one else will understand,” the victim will feel shame. The shame, self-doubt and confusion serves to the benefit of the predator by keeping the victim silent. Then there’s the issue of gaslighting. Some pastors are extraordinarily gifted at gaslighting, especially where they authoritatively quote the Word Of God as justification for their actions. Predatory pastors often gaslight their victims into believing the sex is something the victim wants. That way if the predator is caught he can claim it’s “consensual” and therefore, at worst, “adultery.” Predatory pastors rarely ever accept responsibility fully. At best they “blame-share” thereby making their victims equally responsible. Some even go so far as to victim-blame, i.e. “She seduced me with her feminine wiles.” One of the favorite sermons predatory pastors preach is on David and Bathsheba. Bathsheba gets the blame for “tempting David by indiscreetly bathing on her roof.” 

What happens when victims of clergy sexual abuse do muster up the courage to be a whistle-blower in their church? In many if not most cases elders, deacons, and many of the congregants circle the wagons. It may not be right but it’s a natural tendency to disbelieve a whistle-blower, especially where what’s at stake is the unblemished reputation of a “godly spiritual leader.” Even where there’s overwhelming evidence of clergy sexual abuse, at best it will be spun as “an inappropriate physical relationship,” or perhaps “adultery” with the goal of “restoring the pastor” as quickly as possible. Little if any regard is given to the victim. 

This is Sydney’s story, but she writes it with our support – former members of Hope Baptist Church Springfield. Tragically this isn’t just a case of your ordinary clergy sexual abuse. It’s actually much worse than that. Add to that a daily dose of verbal and emotional abuse. Yeah, not consensual in the least. Gaslight the victim into believing their parents were “evil” and “abusive.” After encouraging Sydney to move into their home the Dodds engaged in a calculated agenda of parental alienation to isolate Sydney from her own family, thereby making her that much more vulnerable. 

To the Matthew 18 Police: Yes, multiple members have confronted the elders, and repeatedly so. Many have brought their concerns to them, pleading for plausible explanations, only to be rebuffed with a blanket, “It’s slander. It’s lies. It’s gossip.” Their refusal to provide any credible justifications left us only to plead with them to repent and step down from leadership. Even as recently as February 2023 some went to them yet once again, only to have them circle the wagons again. Six years have come and gone with no resolution in sight. It is with great regret that we now are compelled to take this catastrophic moral failure public. 

Kevin Dodd stepped down in 2016 as head pastor of Hope Baptist Church (only to be replaced by the very elders who covered up for him), as of this date Kevin Dodd remains Associate Pastor Of Worship at First Baptist Church of Battlefield, MO even though they have removed him from the website. This is a prime example of pastors protecting predators while ignoring their victims. Though Pastor Ray Smith has known about this for years, he’s content to permit a sexual predator “minister” in the midst of the very flock he’s charged with guarding. Other Baptist pastors and leaders in the Springfield area were also long ago made aware but likewise have turned a blind eye. 

Sydney’s story may contain graphic descriptions of sexual abuse. Sydney is apprehensive about going into any graphic detail. But we have encouraged her to be fully disclosing the details, not for shock value but in the interest of uncovering what Hope Baptist Church elders have sought for so long to cover up. The nasty details are the very thing they know to likely constitute criminal acts. It is therefore inappropriate for children to read this blog. Reading this blog could also trigger victims of sexual abuse and should, therefore, be read only after careful reflection of whether or not the reader is emotionally prepared.



Click Here for Moving in: Part 2

Locked in a Room: Part 4

Posted on by Sydney Sjorlund

It was a Saturday afternoon, I came home from babysitting for one of the families. Teri had gone to Piedmont for a couple days to help her parents and took one of the little kids and both of her adult children who lived in the house at that time.

It was nap time so the children that were in the home were asleep. I was supposed to be going over to Zack and Savannah Stargell’s home later that day to stay the night. Kevin was in the living room playing a video game and I was standing in the doorway of the living room just chit-chatting. We were talking about something to do with the kids and I had something on my phone and walked over to show him. At that point he had turned the chair completely facing me and leaned far forward as I walked over. 

He positioned himself to where his shoulder was touching my hip. The chair was a very low chair and he let his arm hang off the side of it and slowly wrapped it around my leg. I knew what was about to happen, I froze and just tried to keep talking about the kids and the game he was playing. He continued for a bit to play the game with one hand as the other kept inching up my inner thigh. At some point he told me to sit in front of him and he slipped his hand down my chest and to the top of my waistline, then he paused the game to unbutton my pants. He plunged his hand down my pants against my skin. He was moving his hands all over me and then after what felt like forever he began to penetrate me with his fingers. After a few moments he asked if that felt okay, if I wanted him to stop. I didn’t really respond, I never said much. 

Then he suddenly stopped and pulled his hand out and turned the game off and told me to stand up and come with him. I panicked, my voice in my head started screaming, “Why can you not just say no!! Run, why are you walking with him! What’s going to happen, where are we going?” 

He ushered me in front of him and down the hall to the guest bedroom. I paused at the doorway mind racing, he gave me a little nudge to go in, which I did. He came in and locked the door behind him and closed the blinds on the windows. Without saying a word he walked up to me with the bed behind me and started taking my clothes off me. I didn’t utter a word, I couldn’t. What was happening? What was he going to do? I was so ashamed and mortified, I had never been naked in front of a man and this was a man who claimed to be my surrogate father and he was my pastor. What was going to happen, why was he doing this, why couldn’t I just say no like he asked me to?! 

After I was completely naked he gently pushed me back to lay on the bed with my legs hanging off at my knees and he just stood there for a minute staring at my body. Then he placed his hands on my knees and started to slide them up my inner thighs as he began to kneel down. What was he going to do, he’s still fully clothed? As he knelt down he began kissing my inner thighs until suddenly he started performing oral sex and using the other to roam freely over my body. 

After a few moments he stopped and asked if it felt okay and if he needed to stop. I knew what he wanted, he didn’t want to stop, I wasn’t supposed to say no, he wouldn’t have brought me in here if I was allowed to say no. So I said he could keep going. 

I don’t recall how long this went on, I truthfully felt myself leave my own body and it’s like I was up above us watching this happen to another version of myself. After what seemed like forever he stopped and lifted my body and placed my head at the head of the bed and I was slightly propped up on the headboard. He stood right beside me pressed up against my head stroking my hair with one hand while also pushing my head harder against his hips while the other hand was caressing my body.

At this point, I remembered that I had been talking about different nightmares I had had where a man would force me to perform oral sex on him and Kevin had kept telling me that no one has dreams like that unless they were abused themselves.
He began to grind on my head and softly moan. He pulled my head back and looked into my eyes saying, “ I want your mouth.” 

So then I gave what was demand. After a few minutes he finished and tilted my head and looked me in the eyes saying, “That was amazing, that definitely wasn’t your first time doing that!” my heart sank. Thankfully moments later we heard a child walking down the hall calling for their dad. He quickly told them to go turn the tv on and daddy would be out in a few moments. 

He sat with me for a few moments looking at my body telling me what a good job I had done. Then he started to leave telling me to wait a few minutes before getting up so the kids wouldn’t see us leaving the room together. 

I finally got up and immediately went downstairs to pack and go to Zack and Savannah’s house. Trying to make sense of what just happened and hoping that it would not happen ever again. 

But unfortunately that was just the beginning.

Click Here for Son Finds Proof of Father’s Abuse